Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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