We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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