Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
