I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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