3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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