We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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