so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
In other news, I just burned my penis
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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