would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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