He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
