he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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