I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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