Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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