she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
