the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
