Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
What a dumb baby whore.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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