I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
