Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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