I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
