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Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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