oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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