This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
