i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
