He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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