just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize