Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I love you.
Bad choice
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
