Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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