I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
