i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
