Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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