It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
