Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
