where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
