why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
