I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
