That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
