Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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