I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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