I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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