Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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