yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize