you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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