i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
