would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
