Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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