Is it normal to miss your booty call?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
