I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
