He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
