i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
