two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
