I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
