Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
