Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
