similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
