good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
i think i just lost a toe
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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