I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
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