dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Randomize
