Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I just had sex on a roof
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Randomize
