if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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