There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
