I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
