We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
That accounts for only three of the penises
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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