these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
