I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
