maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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