I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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