I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
