I showed him my bush... on skype.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
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