um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
