At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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