She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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