we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
