A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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