She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
